For those of you that hail from places that do not make fried pickles. These are "coozies".
Last night I went to my Southern Belle 
friend’s apartment. She is moving and needed just a skosh of help packing… just a skosh. My first duty was to tackle the kitchen. That’s where I found her collection of twenty-two beer coozies. Let me repeat that. That’s where I found her collection of TWENTY-TWO beer coozies. TWENTY-TWO. That’s exactly twenty-one more than one coozie which is all anyone needs…which is a superfluous amount to begin with.
The SB is from Alabama and it’s like a law or something for them to have at least five coozies on their person at all times. Coozies are a southern phenomenon I think. My Cliff Clavinism on this is that it gets hot in the south…cold bottles of beer sweat in the heat…when bottles perspire they become slippery and people drop them…southerners hate dropping and wasting beer. Coozies provide added grippage while keeping beverages icy cold. You’re welcome.
The practical minimalist in me couldn’t keep her mouth shut and I told SB that she needed to get rid of…all of them. She was not having that so we negotiated down to fifteen coozies. Good Will is in possession of seven cared for and loved coozies because even poor people deserve cold beer.
Please know that she is still the proud owner of a leopard print coozie with a black faux fur trim, a USA pride coozie and at least two coozies advertising over the counter herpes medication (she works in healthcare).
I wonder what the marketing team for the herpes meds coozie was thinking. If I had to pitch the idea, I’d say that people who prioritize protecting their beer probably won’t prioritize protecting their naughty bits and when you don’t protect your naughty bits you may get herpes and as long as you’re protecting your beer you should know what herpes meds will cool your burning naughty bits. Because I guess herpes meds are sort of a “naughty bits coozie”. You’re welcome.
