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Point Break of the Speed Matrix

Keanu is my Mac. He helps me reach you, Interwebs.

Category Archives: news

Keanu sends well wishes to not just America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock, in her time of need but to all of us in general.  When asked this weekend if he has any well wishes to send to Sandra Bullock, Keanu elegantly replied, “Yes, of course, to everyone.”

That’s such a nice thing to say, I almost forgive you for The Lake House.

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Over the last week I’ve been writing and rehearsing sketch material to be debuted at Brightest Young Things: The Family Hemerlein Variety Show on March 25th.  I am super excited.  Brightest Young Things will be posting an interview of me and Murphy McHugh on Monday so keep an eye out for that.  Here’s a blurb from Brightest Young Things:

Secondly, the comedic headliner shall be Brick Penguin, the unofficial sketch comedy troupe of the Washington Improv Theater. Led by Murph McHugh and Tara Maher the head instructors of the WIT’s brand new sketch comedy school, the small band of abstract and cerebral outsiders are bringing to DC the power and innovation of the Upright Citizens Brigade [and] the Second City.

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Kathryn Bigelow:

– Oscar’s first female winner for Best Director.

-beat out her ex-husband James Cameron and his juggernaut of a film Avatar for best director and best picture.

-is an unbelievable 58.

-got to have this moment (see below).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– just also happened to direct…

 

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betty boo.jpgSo Betty Boo can pride herself on having a face that launched… one phone call.  I said screw the poop and called the humane society to find out more about this little gal.  I was told that she’s what they call “special needs”.  I said, “That’s ok, I was in B group in elementary school because my parents are foreign.  I’ll totally help her with phonics.”  That’s not the kind of “special” they meant. 

At first the shelter thought it would be good for her to go to a home with an older well trained dog (like my set up)  but because she’s got some emotional scars she has had some aggression issues with other dogs.  The shelter thinks it would be best for her to go to a home with no other pets and an owner that can devote a lot of one on one time with her.  Sadly, I don’t fit the bill. 

The girl on the phone sounded like she had her act together and really cares about these animals.  So I do hope that Betty Boo goes to a wonderful home that will love on her like its their job and give her all the chew toys, belly rubs and days in the park she wants.  That’s how I’d do it.

 

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No more facebook, twitter or cool blog theme changes from my work ‘puter.  Sads.  We had a good run, Internet.  I can still access this blog during the work day but I imagine it’s only a matter of time before they take that away too. 

I feel like Chunk trying to get that last bite of ice cream before the Fratelli’s snatch it all away.

But I am resourceful, Keanu shall wait for my use at home and I will figure out how to do mobile situations and the like. 

 

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Internet,

When I get home from class tonight, and after I slip into something very inappropriate,  I shall attempt to hook up and use my scanner for the FIRST TIME.   I’ve had it for 13 months.  I know.  I’m thinking of using it to post gratuitous and self-congratulatory photos of myself from childhood in a effort to keep this blog CUTTING EDGE. 

I hope I don’t kill you with laughter! 

Brownies,

Tara

PS – Just to clarify, Internet,  use of the photo above was intended to absurdly parallel my lack of technological expertise.   The woman in the photo, clearly, has no idea what she’s doing.  The absence of road flares and a toolkit are dead give aways that a real mechanic was not used in the photo and the whole thing may have been staged.  Threefore, I make no representation to the authenticity of the task depicted in the above photo.  The only thing I can be certain of are those breasts.  They are real….big.

Pardon? No. I did not purchase the tween phenomenon "Twilight" for my 4 hour bus ride to NYC tomorrow. You must be joking. Really!

Pardon? No. I did not purchase the tween phenomenon "Twilight" for my 4 hour bus ride to NYC tomorrow. You must be joking. Really!

And you are out of your banana hammock if you think I also purchased the 2nd book, New Moon, for the bus ride back.  How dare you!

And you are out of your banana hammock if you think I also purchased the 2nd book, New Moon, for the bus ride back. How dare you!

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