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Tag Archives: Health

Day 17:  I’m on my second day of OJ.  It’s weird.  Yestday I drank 3/4 of a carton of OJ throughout the day along with lots of water and I felt full.  I should be moving onto some raw fruits and veggie broth tomorrow.  It’ll be 21 days before I eat solids again but I’m done writing about this.  I bore me. 

I will say that I feel great and have lots of energy.  I feel more creative and have been more productive than I’ve been in a long time.   All in all, I’d have to say that it’s been a totally positive experience and I plan to do another this year.

Oh and Beyonce, I’m better than you.

(I still think you’re super cool… but I’m better.)


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Awesome.  More juicing.Day 16:  The end is in sight.   Today I start drinking OJ instead of the lemonade concoction in order to prepare my system for solid foods again.  It’ll be a few days of this and then I can move on to vegetable broth!  This sounds so pathetic. 

Yesterday, I spent an hour researching the best “cauliflower mashed potato” recipes.  I need one of those cuisinarts.  All great recipes require a stage of blending or pureeing. 

I have two birthday parties to go to this weekend.  This should be interesting.  Apart from teaching and rehearsing I have been pretty anti-social during this cleanse.  It’s easier that way.  But I can’t skip these birthdays because I actually like these people.  I’m sure it will be fine.  I’ll just drink lemon with seltzer and tell everyone I’m pregnant.


Day 15: 

Dear Diet Coke,

I’m wishin’ you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna blast you on the radio,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna hate you in the magazine,
(I’m better than that)
I’m not gonna compromise my Christianity,
(I’m better than that)
You know I’m not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.

I’m a survivor.  I’m not gone give up.  I’m not gone stop.  I’m gone work harder.




Day 14:  Kiss it, Beyonce.  I shall reach day 15 and crush it.  I will say that if I never see cayenne pepper again it will be too soon.  I have crazy heartburn today and my cough is still lingering.   On the upside, Alaina has returned from her trip and agreed with me that Annabelle’s farts are heinous.  We have concluded that it must be from the new treats she purchased that come in the shapes of bacon strips and swiss cheese wedges.

They smell delicious.  Oh God.  I have to get off this cleanse.

Hello you. I hope you brought protection because you're on my "to do" list.


Don't give me that look. I know it was you.

Day 13: My cough is subsiding.   I’m dogsitting again.  Annabelle and I are curled up watching the Golden Globes.   Annabelle has been kind enough to rip the most toxic farts all night so as to completely destroy any appetite I may have or the desire to stray from my regimen.  Thank you, Annabelle.


Day 12:  Still cleansing but having a tough last couple of days.  I have a cough that I can’t shake.  Today was my first sketch class and I was so excited and super prepared.  But by the time I sat down to talk the only thing that came out was gross coughs.  I had to leave the room at one point and defer most of my speaking duties to my co-teacher Murph.

I sort of cheated a little.  One of my students offered me some Ricola and I had two to stifle the coughing.  Let’s just say, that was a mistake.

It’s day 12 and I now fantasize about vegetable broth.


Day 11:  Beyonce did this thing for 14 days.  I would like to go BEYOND Beyonce, if that’s EVEN possible.