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Point Break of the Speed Matrix

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If he talks, I will destroy him.

If he talks, I will destroy him.

I try to keep a low profile at work.  I don’t talk about religion, politics, or even the shows I watch with my co-workers.   There really is no need.  Aside from pleasantries in the pantry and elevator, I’m all business.  I am like one of those annoying reality show contestants that says, “I’m not here to make friends.”    Friends: I got plenty.  Jobs:  I only got one. 

This rule applies to everyone but my boss.  He is the only person I have to interact with on a daily basis.   The rest of our team is split between California and New York.  I have a good rapport with him and we b.s. about comedy and being from New York on our down time.  He’s even come to one of my shows.  I usually can make him laugh out loud with a comment or a sneer during our meetings.  I think it’s safe to say we both appreciate each other at the office.   No, it’s not like that.  He’s only a few years older than me but he’s been married for a long time and I don’t have the hots for him.

Last week on a conference call all five of the men on the phone were talking politics.  I just put my speaker on mute and listened.  One of them point blank said, “You’re being very quiet, Tara.  Who are you voting for?”  I just said, “I don’t think I’ll vote.  I have a hair appointment.”  My boss laughed and chimed in that I don’t give up a lot of personal information and that I always seem to give a sideways answer or comment when pressed.  When the call was done he came over to my desk and said, “You’re voting for who I think you’re voting for, right?”  I said, “Yes.  Jesus.”  He and his wife are Obama supporters and he had been telling me about their canvasing efforts the previous day.

I knew he would be elated today and I was excited to chat with him about the results when I got in today.   I am a little shocked by my reaction to Obama’s win myself.  I guess I really cared after all.   I honestly didn’t expect to feel like I do, as I am not a politics junkie like so many people here in DC.   Since moving down here I’ve become much more knowledgable on certain issues but I am not nearly as well versed as I’d like to be.   So I try to stick with the jokey jokes. 

My boss comes over to my desk when everyone in my area was gone and he has this huge grin on his face.  He had just sent an email scolding some of our associates (his favorite thing to do) for dropping the ball and to not dump their job on me.  I mistake his personal happiness and satisfaction for post election joy.  He opens his arms out wide as if to say, “Am I a great boss or what?” and I again mistake it for “Can you believe Obama won?!”  Not even thinking,  I jumped up and HUGGED HIM.  And I have NO IDEA what possessed me!  

I think that this moment officially tops the list as all time awkward-bad-wanna-kill-myself-where’s-the-time-machine-I-want-a-do-over moments of my life.  It hit me like a ton of bricks what an idiot I looked like, how inappropriate it was and that, of course, I had just put my boobs on him.  I honestly forget I have them sometimes which, if you know me, seems impossible.

He handled it well and made a joke.  He said, “Was the email that good?”  I just replied while hugging, “Yes.  Thank you.”

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