Potluck Bizarro Dinner With Cleveland (Part II)

February 4, 2009 Potluck Bizarro Dinner With Cleveland (Part II)

… There is a table set up buffet style manned by three waitstaff for the free tasting.  We are each given a plate and one of each of the four free pieces of sushi they have created for the tasting.  Four things.  We’ve also been given a huge coupon for 50% off dinner.   Great!  A little sushi amuse bouche before we order like manbeasts.

Cleve and I are now feeling extremely selfconscious as we meander around the restaurant looking for the most secluded area so as not to be eyeballed as we eat.  But of course the restaurant is one big open circle.  So we choke down our tasting quickly so that we can move on to ordering dinner.  Again, we wait.  There are no other patrons coming in and we haven’t been given menus.  We feel stupid about getting up from our spot to get a waiter’s attention because no one has come over and we are on the opposite side of the circle as the staff.   Needless to say we are beginning to feel like we perchance have missed something.  Like maybe the hostess said something and we missed it.

Cleve and I begin to squirm and look over.  All the staff are in one corner not looking over at us.  I get up and ask to see a menu so we can order our discounted dinner.  The waitress looks at me with a confused look on her face and says,  “Oh, no.  Tasting.  Ok?”   I turn back to Cleve and motion for us to get our coats.   There would be no dinner only tasting.  The coupon was for us when we return after this week .  Again, we missed that bit.

Since no drinks were provided for us at this tasting and we both have a mouthful of soy sauce are indescribably parched and hungrier than ever.  We walk next door to a new restaurant pub called “Union Jacks” that openned last month.  It may have a good on tap beer selection but the decor is an affront to all things British.  The walls are covered with this fake gray stone to give a castle-like feel and there are ridiculous plastic coats of arms on the wall.   The menu and decor are so heavy handed it’s like visiting EPCOT’s version of an English pub.  But we’re hungry and it has pub grub which is pretty hard to screw up…

Again, we ask for a table for two.  This place is huge and about 75% empty.  Unlike our previous hostess we could understand the man at the door but did not quite comprehend when he assured us, “That won’t be a problem.”  Well, yeah.  We can see about 15 empty tables.  Was there a chance it was going to be a problem?  What question, as the host, we’re you expecting us to ask?  Cleve and I spent the next 45 minutes discussing scenarios that may be a problem for the Union Jack host… like wanting a table for two at that large empty 12 top and we want Elton John to sing “Candle in the Wind” in between courses.  Maybe that would be a problem?

We ordered apps.  The Elizabeth Hurley hot wings were NOT “smokin hot like Liz!” as they are described on the menu.  And if you want to look like a she-beast, by all means order the sliders.  They are huge and you get like 8 of them.  They also come with a lettuce garnish that houses a family of fruit flies.

I don’t know Cleve.  Did I leave anything out?  I wanted this post to go out with a bang instead of a whimper… but I lost confidence halfway through…  My nephew’s comment on the first post made me rush!

Tags: Awkward, Food, Friends

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