Point Break of the Speed Matrix

My friend, Lando Calirissian, is on her way to join me for the decade’s big finish.  You might remember Lando from earlier posts… Her most clicked upon being this one.

  It was but 10 years ago this eve that she, myself and several other dear friends found ourselves on the floor of the Nantucket Ferry doing our best impression of the chuckle patch from The Magic Garden.

Tired from our drive to Cape Cod, the early morning hour and the rocking of a slow moving boat, five young people wound up in a Mexican Standoff with the Sandman about 30 miles offshore.  Some of us dropped our weapons and were taken out fast by Doctor Tonight, while others tried in vain to hold their piece.  But as the minutes wore on our arms grew so very HEAVY.

There we lay tangled across our duffle bags and on each other in an immovable mass of fleece and gortex.  Our pale skin poking out of dark material like streaks of light through a crack of a dirty window, just enough for others to avoid stepping on us.   At first glance it would be hard to determine which of us were actually alive and which of us had just died with our eyes open.   We must have looked like some kind of East-Coast-Irish-Polack-Ratking.   

In these times, at least for us who still had our guns blazin’,  the only natural form of communication is through complaint and/or sarcasm.

Thankfully the ferry TVs were set to coverage of the Millenium celebrations around the world.  Considering the circumstances, the program became the perfect whipping boy for us not to kill each other.  A few of us were awake enough to hear a very enthusiastic John Tesh yelling, “HAPPY NEW YEAR BEIJING!”   And that’s all we needed to survive the ride.

Rat 1: “Like he’s happy for BEIJING!” 

Rat 1: “Hey Tesh, that’s goddamn Hong Kong.” 

Rat 2: “Tell me again how John Tesh became the ambassador of Millenium wishes to our silent political foe.”

Rat 3: “Hey Tesh, my new year’s wish is to smack you until all your hair falls out.”

Rat 1: “Knock knock.”

Rat 3:”Who’s there?”

Rat 1: “It’s me John T-”

Rat 2: “I just shot you, John Tesh.”

Tags: Friends, Holidays