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Point Break of the Speed Matrix

Keanu is my Mac. He helps me reach you, Interwebs.

Tag Archives: Halloween


Roseanne circa 1989


Roseanne (the early years) was one of the funniest/realest sitcoms written to date.  The show’s Halloween episodes were some of the funniest in the series.  The series has a DVD devoted solely to the Halloween episodes.  Watch a clip from one of my favorites:


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Dear Internet,

No, I don’t want to be a “sexy” bumble bee.  I want to be a bumble like this gal:



Where to find for adults?  A swift response is appreciated.




  So Keanu and I were interwebbing with one of the sexier people in my life (see dreamboat at left) and we were talking about plans for Halloween.  I look forward to it every year.  It’s my favorite holiday.  And yes, you’d be correct in assuming that I am not one of those girls that uses it as an excuse to get all tarted up. I take my costumes very seriously.  How else can I show the world how smart I am?  Go to grad school?  Hell to the NO, Bobby!  I show the universe how smart I am by creating a perfectly ironic costume showcasing my surprisingly piquant wit!  Damn.  

Beardy’s got a wedding on 11/1 and probably won’t be throwing back jungle juice in a church-turned-club with glow sticks tucked behind each ear whilst complaining about how uncomfortable his “A.C. Slater” jheri curl wig is like the rest of us.  He says he likes these people but I think he’s got selfish friends. How high on yourselves do you have to be to make your single friends miss Halloween for your snore of a wedding? Halloween is like Christmas for single people.  

Halloween provides several gifts for singles that are not there the other nights of the year.

1.  costumes = ice breakers   

Example Nov. 1st convo starter:  “Hi, I’m Roger.  What’s your name?”

Example Oct. 31st convo starter: “Oh my God!  They’re playing the Ghostbusters Theme Song!  Your ‘Oda Mae Brown’ costume is hysterical!  Let’s go make-out!”

2.  costumes = loss of inhibitions

Example of Nov. 1st convo: “Here’s my email. It was so nice chatting with you while we waited for our lattes.”

Example of Oct. 31st convo: “Go ahead.  Touch’em. You’re a ‘doctor’ so it’s totally ok.  Here I’ll get the clasp for you.”

3.  costumes = invaluable self-promo

Example Nov. 1st comments:  “That’s a nice blazer, Ronald.  Is it Pink?”

Example Oct. 1st comments: “Oh my God!  I am taking a pic of you right now and sending it to my girlfriend!  She’s a huge ‘Big Lebowski’ fan!  That ‘Jesus Quintana’ jumpsuit is unreal!  Wait, she just replied. She wants your number and for you to put a baby in her.”


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