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Point Break of the Speed Matrix

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Tag Archives: NYC

Season Six: We are all single and randy.

Season Six: We're never really sure what our motivation is but we always know when someone farted.

I will be performing with my group Season Six on Saturday at The Creek in Long Island City during the 8pm timeslot.  It is part of a weekend long improv/comedy showcase that starts on Friday night and ends on Sunday night.  Please come check out any of the shows… but it would be sweet to see YOU at mine.

I’d like to encourage anyone who may come to check out our friends groups as well: Landlords, Mythical Newsroom, Reverse 5, The Lodge and many more.

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smalls Smalls wrote a show that is being performed tonight at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.  It’s called “Grandma and the F&*! Yous”.  I’m pretty sure it’s a Naitivity play.  If you are in the NYC area and need some hard laughs, go see this show.

Fun facts about Smalls:

  • vegan from Long Island
  • belts a mean “Heartbreaker” at Karaoke
  • has broken many a stage bottle over my head
  • is made of sparkles

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Hey Tina, remember the time I sat behind you and Lorne at a UCB show back in 2002 and I didn’t say hello or move or speak?  No?  Ok…remember when I used to take extra long lunches at the Rock Center commissary hoping that I would spy you ordering the same lunch as me and then I would say, “This is crazy.  We have so much in common.  We both love turkey chili, went to the same college and love making jokes.  If I were half-Greek and 5’4″ we’d be twins!”  No?  I guess not.  I mean, you’re not a mind reader or anything.  Because then that would make you like a superhero too.  Wait, are you?

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Cathedral view from 45 Rock entrance.

Cathedral view from 45 Rock entrance.

It doesn’t seem like seven years.  I won’t go into it because everyone’s story about that day is unique and significant.  I will say that by the end of that day, after a lot of uncertainty, I counted myself and those I care about among the lucky.  

The entrance to my old job at Rockefeller Center (see above) was directly across the street from St. Patrick’s Cathedral.  I returned to work on the 13th and then over the course of the next several months my commute consisted of exiting the 51st & Lex exit of the 6 train, walking across town to 5th Ave. and then turning a corner and walking past an already in progress funeral for any one of the 343 fallen NYC firefighters before heading into the worst job I’ve ever had.  I cried every morning before I ever got into the building.

A month after 09/11, the day before my birthday, they found anthrax in the mailroom of Rockefeller Center. Me and the other peons heard the news after we had handled the mail and the lawyers had already bailed out of the building.

Two days later I took my first improv class at the Upright Citizens Brigade.  I signed up on Sept. 12th.

Comedy is needed.  Laughter heals.

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People ask me how long I’ve been into comedy.  I have been a supreme neo-maxi zoon dweebie comedy nard since I can remember anything.  When I was in the first grade I peed my pants at school and didn’t care because my best friend made me laugh so hard.  I thought the joke was well worth the embarrassment.

I was going through some old papers from high school and found one that I got an “A” on my junior year.  I kept it because I surprised that the battle-axe of a nun who taught me gave me such a generous grade. My comments in class never seemed to amuse her no matter how hard I tried.

Re-reading this thing made me laugh out loud because of what a total asshole I sound like and how I truly believed I could create a formula for success in the arts…no matter how vague the details.  I particularly enjoyed reading about the schedule I set for my parents (ah the heighth of teen angst)…whom I speak to everyday and sometimes more than that if my mother sees Steve Martin on TV and has to call again so she can tell me to tune in.  It’s embarrassing.  So enjoy!

 

Ten Years From Now  By: [Future Admin for Point Break of the Speed Matrix]

I’m twenty-six years old and I’m a writer for the “Late Show with David Letterman” and Saturday Night Live.  As you can imagine my schedule is very busy.  I work at NBC Studios, from 8am to 12pm, in Rockefeller Center and from there I travel across town to the Ed Sullivan Theater, where the “Late Show” is taped.  I usually work until 7pm unless there is a specific project I am managing with the rest of the writers.  The job is demanding but so gratifying when you hear the audience laughing.

When I’m at home, a large two bedroom Upper East Side apartment shared with a roommate and my dog Norman, I watch the news, read the papers and gather as much information as I can for the sketches I write and the opening monologue.  I try to talk to my parents three times a week and once a month I go and spend the weekend.  Usually they just show up on surprise visits.  They are still surprised that I made it in the business so quickly.

Actually it didn’t happen overnight.  While in my sophomore year at NYU I had written the “Late Show” letters saying that I was interested in working as a page or intern, or anything that would get me in the door.  A dozen letters later I was hired as a page.  As soon as I got in the offices I made out an application for an internship and received an acceptance that summer.  I was an intern for two years and upon graduation I was hired as a news researcher for the opening monologue.  After establishing myself as a writer the work load increased and so did my salary.  Four years later I’m one of the head writers for the most watched late night shows on television.  

As for Saturday Night Live, all I did was send in my resume and they hired me a week later.

I lead a very happy life and I love what I do.  Not only do I have two jobs but I also volunteer at the pediatric ward of Lennox Hill Hospital when I can.  Helping others when I know I have the means to do so makes me feel good about myself.

 

Status:

I did live in a fab UES apartment with a roommate for almost three years.  No dog though.  😦

I did work in Rockefeller Center…but for a bloodsucking law firm that made me cry on my first day.

I have been inside NBC studios as an audience member for the Conan O’Brien show…twice.  That’s right.

A show I co-wrote for UCB was directed by an SNL weekend update contributor.

Before Tina Fey got really famous I looked her up on the UVA alumni webpage and got her office number at SNL.  I called once to hear her voicemail.

I volunteered at the National Zoo for 1.5 years and saw a lot of kids there.

I’ve never had a job that only lasted from 8am – 12pm.

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