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Point Break of the Speed Matrix

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Tag Archives: Money

I went to the oral surgeon today for a consulation regarding the removal of my wisdom teeth.   You see I have all of them.  My mouth gave birth to them when I was a teen and I haven’t had a problem with them until recently.  Right now my gums are kind of pissed at them.  They were all like, “Teef, why you all up under me?  Quit crowdin!  Why you in my business!”  And let’s face it, when your gums are pissed, you’re pissed.  The last few days I haven’t quite been myself.  I come home to my roommate and dog and they say hello and I’m all irritated and yell, “Why you all up under me?  Quit crowdin!  Why you in my business?”  So I made a phone call.

The doctor is a happy go lucky chap that likes to breed Newfoundland dogs in his spare time and destroy the mouths and finances of strangers full time.  You see Dr. E is so good at what he does he doesn’t take any insurance.  Of course.  Why would you?  That shit’s just complicated. 

I’ve just received a PDF of the estimate for removal of all four wisdom teeth while under general anesthesia.  I don’t want to reveal too much here but it rhymes with “boo-thousand” dollars. 

If you know anyone who would needs to hire a surrogate, please tell them to comment here and I will get back to them.

On the upside, I am currently in possession of an Rx for Vicodin.

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Shamefully this visual is not in use as a device for irony.

I wish this visual was a device for irony in this post. It is all too real for me right now.

I will be paying double rent for July.  I’ll owe many doll hairs on the current maxi-pad and the new one.  On top of the 4-figure security deposit paid last month, I also have to pay moving costs.  And on top of paying movers, I have to pay $15o just to move into my new place.   I’ve said it before, I don’t understand how condos work.   What the hell is a move-in fee?  *aghh*  Do you have a tums?  The acid is starting to rise and I have a full month to go before the agony is over.  By the end of which, I will be broke and sore.  So in a nutshell, I’m JAZZED.

The cherry atop my acid reflux came last night when I finally received my bill from the Virginia Medical Hospital.  Remember this?  Well six months later, they finally got around to billing me $75 for sitting in triage for an hour before being to go home and drink water until the “niacin flush” passes.  US healthcare.  I’m writing that note down on a post-it for my next lunch at Five Guys with B.O. 

But I realize that this karmiclly (sp) timed bill is my comeuppance for my sins of Saturday.  I was invited to the Georgetown reunion by my BFF.  The plan was for me to meet them out late after the tented open bar on-campus event for which alumni had to pay $80.  But she called me from the event asking me to come early stating it may be “cost prohibitive”… I would have to pay $80 dollars at the door.  I told her I’d be there and when I arrived I saw a very loud, very packed, very low security tent filled to capacity with drunk Hoyas.   I slipped in past the check-in table without breaking stride and enjoyed several Grey Goose cocktails on the Hoya alumni association’s tab.   I don’t know about you but I still don’t feel guilty.  $80?  No.  Sorry to the Tripp’s and Skippy’s that paid all I can say is that it must be nice.

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My fantast lunch for today: crab salad with avocado and greens.

My fantasy lunch for today: crab salad with avocado and greens.

My reality: Cosi cobb salad that is mostly lettuce.

My reality: Cosi cobb salad that is mostly lettuce.

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Is this why the poor smell bad?

Is this why the poor smell bad?

I have been trying to “trim the fat” in my budget by cutting down on personal indulgences.  I’m being pretty stupid about it. 

Rather than do what most people do when it’s time to tighten the purse strings, like getting rid of  expensive cable channels.  I decided that the best way to save money was to buy cheaper personal hygeine products.  WTF, Tara?  Yeah, because I want men to leave me the hell alone!

I made the decision to switch from pricy Pantene to the more wallet friendly Suave.  I didn’t take a sniff before I bought a huge tub of it for like $0.69.   Well, now I am regretting it.  I can’t quite put my finger on the odor but the best way to describe what my hair smells like today is “angry mothballs”.

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So, I’m totally fine.  Never better.  Is everyone ok?  I’m not concerned.  Really.  It’s just a blip.  We’ll be partying like it’s 1999 in no time [takes swig].  I am confident we are on the road to recovery [does a bump].  Is anyone interested in some exciting land opportunities in the Everglades? [loads gun]

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